Let's face it, Canada is cold in the winter. Nobody relishes in the fact that some days, you could actually die if you get locked out of your home for too long. I have amassed a list of fun ways to ward off hypothermia and keep warm in your homes during the dark months.
1) First off dress appropriately!! What is wrong with you I wear shorts all year round guy? It's WINTER. Wear pants, several pairs if you need to. You're making me shiver just looking at your bare legs fool.
2) Become a pyromaniac. Whether it be wood, gasoline, bridges, photos of ex boyfriends, bras... I don't care! Fire = heat so dig yourself a pit in the living room and light em up!*
3) Exercise. HAHAHAHhhahahahhahahaha.... no I'm kidding, that's crazy talk! More like perfect your interpretive dance or join a hardcore miming troupe.
4) Hibernate. Seriously, why can't we figure out how to do this? I would be totally fine with having a nap after my turkey dinner in December and waking up for the May long weekend.
5) Take up a cold weather hobby that you enjoy. May I suggest building couch forts and hiding under the blankets for a few months, perhaps buy a tanning bed and sleep in it like a hyperbaric chamber/frying pan. Take a page from Ron Burgundy snuggle up to his friend Scotchy Scotch Scotch (get in my belly!)
6) Shear your cat and knit long underwear, you may need to borrow a few felines from the crazy cat lady next door in order to complete the entire garment... actually I haven't a sweet clue how many cats you would need to shear to make a sweater, but please do post in the comments below if you know or find out!
7) Become a shut in. Let's face it, winter makes us grumpy so let's all stop pretending that we are ok with it and just shut 'er down for a couple months. Lock the door, layer up and make a hot toddy because the idea of staying home in front of a roaring fire (pit) is far more pleasing than sploshing through the salty, slushy, frigid darkness that is our dreadful Canadian winter.
WHO'S WITH ME?!
I'll admit I spent too many winters as a snowbird in Florida, therefore I am no longer able to cope with the cold reality of the season here. Consider this... when we go out looking at properties in the high season, you can rest assured that I will always be the one scoping out a homes characteristics for things such as woodstoves, solar panels, fireplace inserts and heat pumps. The struggle is real here and I never overlook these critical details. Even when it's not on your mind, I'll never let you get stuck out in the cold.
*Please only LOL at this one rather than actually doing it.
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